More than half the couples I counsel each week have not had sex with their partner in over a year. A large number of these couples are over 40 years of age and use the changes to their physiology as their excuse to avoid sexual intimacy.
For others, sex ended with the birth of their children or due to plain ‘ol repetition and boredom.
However, these are all excuses for the real issue. Can’t quite put your finger on it? Here are some of the top “reasons” couples settle for a sexless relationship:
1. You don’t like talking about sex
While many couples are uncomfortable talking about sex, in my experience, they’re generally not comfortable talking about anything with each other and have huge communication issues. After tons of medical advances I’ve yet to hear of anyone reading minds, thus, it’s important that you sit down and discuss your pleasures and desires (both current and potential) with your spouse. Be sure the two of you build a safe place, for you to discuss these topics without judgment.
2. You don’t really understand the mechanics of sexuality and lust
There are specific stages that sexual activity generally move through (desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm, refractory) and many couples don’t understand how to utilize this knowledge for the deepest, and most satisfying connection.
3. You’re on antidepressants
Many antidepressants, typically, have a sexual side-effect profile, which can typically impact many men and women. Perhaps, speak to your doctor about alternatives or new ways to boost your libido.
4. You rarely get enough sleep
In our under-slept culture, sleep deficiency drains us of energy for sex play, thus impacting our mood and desire for intimacy. Make sure you’re catching the recommended amount of z’s for the best performance possible.
5. You’re ignoring the effects of aging
As the “baby boomers” advance in age, issues involving menopause and erectile dysfunction become more prevalent. If this is the case, I recommend getting your doctor’s opinion. These types of conditions don’t have to mean the end of your sex life, it simply means adapting.
6. You view the sexual problems as your partner’s issue, instead of yours as a couple
Issues of shame and guilt prevent us from acknowledging, communicating, and solving our sexual issues as a team. The sooner you can admit and pinpoint your role in any issues the two of you are having in the bedroom, the sooner you can get things booming again.
If you are experiencing some of this and have a question for me, I hold a free tele-seminar every month where I answer your most important questions about relationships, romance, intimacy or sexuality. You can find out more at askadamnow.com