Not Jaded. Adequately Adjusted.

No, I’m not a jaded person. I’ve simply looked at reality and adapted to it.

Keep going.

  • People change.
  • Fairytales are for books.
  • I can’t change you.
  • Who I am matters.

Sexlessness shouldn’t be MY problem. It’s actually yours. It’s now part of my life because I believed in monogamy. I trusted it. I trusted you too.

To hell with you! This insane control over sex is going to stop here and now!

I’ve done the counselling sessions. I supported you and did the therapy. I’ve heard every excuse in the book:

  • Too tired.
  • Too busy.
  • Visitors in house.
  • Neighbours will know.
  • Too sick.
  • Taking a break.

Taking a break?

How can you take a break from something you never do?

So I asked for a change. It was a radical suggestion, I know. I never thought I’d ever hear myself speak those words either. I asked to open the relationship up. You declined. That’s your right. It’s also my right to live without pain. With or without your permission, that pain will go.

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Tonight, I’ve made a date with someone. I plan to have sex and it won’t be with you. I’d like to think it’ll be everything I’ve dreamt it to be. Even if it’s half of that, it’ll be ten thousand percent better than the icy alternatives. I’m trying not to say those words :”But it’s YOUR fault.”

I’m trying to be nice about this. I’m even trying to find the guilt to make this prickly journey worth it. Perhaps it’ll come afterwards. I sure hope it does. You’re worth some.

I’m nervous. I’m excited. I know what to do when I’m there but not sure how to get it there. I’m so used to you saying ‘no’ that I’m afraid I’ll waste a perfectly good opportunity. I hope I don’t – and I kind of hate you for doing that. Fourteen years of no’s changes a person.

I never saw what you did as abuse. No one would agree with me anyhow. I’m on my own.

So tonight it’ll be about me. I’ll try and forget all that stuff and let go. It’s not the way I would’ve preferred things but it’s the way they have to be. I just wish you would’ve paid more attention and believed in me. It’s not like you didn’t know. I tried and tried.

I love you.- Ax

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Non-Spontaneous Sex Is Better Than No Sex At All. Or Is It?

Dear Cheryl: My wife and I have two little kids. When we come home from work, we’re busy with them. There’s dinner, homework, baths, stories and bed.

That leaves 90 minutes or so to straighten up, do laundry and catch a little TV. By that time my wife is exhausted, so nighttime sex is rare. Sex before work is what I call “zombie sex.”

Making dates is out of the question, and planning special weekends seems unnecessary. I know that busy people are making time for sex. I’d just like to know just how they’re doing it. — Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Why are “dates” out? What’s wrong with planning special weekends? Why not hire a babysitter on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to take the kids to a movie? What about getting the in-laws to take the kids for a weekend? Or trading off with another couple?In other words, what’s wrong with scheduling sex? You schedule everything else. I know it’s not spontaneous, but non-spontaneous sex is better than no sex at all, isn’t it? And sex leads to more sex.

Don’t let your frustration build, and don’t get into a sexless marriage. You’ll both regret it.

Source: Non-Spontaneous Sex Is Better Than No Sex At All. Or Is It? by Cheryl Lavin | Creators Syndicate

Infection Stops Sex: Help!

1118_man-woman-in-bed-stop-sign

Last year, when married only a year, I developed a chronic bladder infection. I’m seeing a specialist and taking antibiotics.

I’m getting better, but have frequent flare ups. Our physical relationship has taken a huge toll.

The pain and discomfort makes sex infrequent, or restrained, since we’re both wary of my pain.

My husband’s been loving, attentive and very concerned for my health.

However, he’s increasingly frustrated with the lack of sex.

We’ve tried many “alternatives” but nothing works the same way.

Sex was a huge part of us and our love.

My doctor’s asked me to be patient. We’ve set a deadline for reconsidering our options, including separation if I’m not getting better.

My husband says he doesn’t want to leave me, but I feel it’s unfair for him to live in a sexless marriage for the rest of his life.

Should we seek some professional guidance?

Painful Decision

You must seek professional information and guidance right away, and on several levels.

Your specialist will have previously dealt with chronic bladder pain affecting sexual activity.

Don’t be embarrassed, you both need to ask him/her how you each can best handle this.

A marital therapist will also benefit you both. In a still-young marriage, you haven’t faced many intense issues like this.

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But many couples experience periods of abstinence — e.g. for months during difficult pregnancies. The therapist will have ideas and encouragement for you both.

Setting a deadline for options and thinking about separation is premature.

Maintain intimacy through touch, stroking, cuddling, kissing, while helping your husband have orgasms manually or orally, without you experiencing pain.

It’s “not the same” but it’s deeply loving, compassionate, and bonding.

It’ll help you stay optimistic and less stressed about your condition as the antibiotics and time heal you.

Source:http://www.thestar.com/life/2015/12/31/adult-children-should-be-able-to-coexist-with-long-lost-half-brother-ellie.html

-Michael Forman (Author of sexless story SEETHINGS) Subscribe to blog.

The Novel ¦The Author ¦ Orde
SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman

‘My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me’

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Dear Thelma,

I have been married for a year. It was a love match. My husband and I love each other, but to date he has not consummated our marriage. He does not initiate intimacy, and when I am in a romantic mood, he will push me away, saying he is sleepy or tired. He shows absolutely no interest in sex.

I try to console myself by telling myself that sex is not the most important thing in a marriage. But sometimes I feel worried, stressed and sad over this issue. We are a young couple, yet we do not have a normal sex life. Do you have any advice for me? – Miss X


Dear Miss X,

There can be many reasons for which people are not interested in sex. Whatever it is, the only way to deal with the situation is to confront it directly with your hubby and discuss possible solutions together.

This is a delicate matter to raise in a relationship, and it is very important to be tactful. Before you even broach the subject with your hubby, there are a few things you have to come to terms with. Sex is not love and neither is it a sign of love. It is something that happens consensually between two people who are in a relationship. So just because your husband is not having sexual relations with you, it does not mean that he does not love you or care for you.

Source: http://women.asiaone.com/women/relationships/my-husband-doesnt-want-have-sex-me

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WHAT ABOUT HIDDEN ASEXUALITY?

COULD THIS BE A PLAUSIBLE CAUSE OF SEXLESS-NESS? CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO. 

Survey Says 1 In 5 Unhappily Married Women Are In A Sexless Marriage

Woman unhooking bra on bed
Why do married people cheat? Boredom, loss of love and anger come to mind — but according to a new survey, unhappily married American women may be stepping out on their spouses because they’re not having sex at home.

Ashley Madison — a dating site for married people looking to have affairs — surveyed 74,600 members from 26 different countries about how often they have sex with their spouses and U.S. women topped the list when it came to sexless marriages.

Specifically, 22 percent of the American women surveyed admitted to having no sex with their husbands at all. The numbers were lower in other parts of the world; 18 percent of women from the UK, 16 percent from Hong Kong, 12 percent from Spain, 9 percent from France, 8 percent from Italy and 8 percent from Brazil said the same.

“Married people in the U.S. face the same dilemmas as their international counterparts when it comes to keeping their marital bed active,” said a rep from Ashley Madison. “But our unprecedented global study showed nearly 1 in 5 unhappily married women in the U.S. are in a sexless marriage, and I’m fairly sure that was not what they committed to on their wedding day.”

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Of the 74,600 people surveyed, 33,500 were from the U.S.

(Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/21/marriage-infidelity-study_n_5009245.html?ir=Australia)

Couples who have sex just once a week are the happiest

sexlessmarriageTHE SECRET to marital bliss is not very sexy, researchers announced Wednesday.

Couples having sex every day are not necessarily happier, a new study published by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology reveals.

Those doing the deed once a week are just as cheery, researchers said.

“Although more frequent sex is associated with greater happiness, this link was no longer significant at a frequency of more than once a week,” lead researcher Amy Muise said.

“Our findings suggest that it’s important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, but you don’t need to have sex every day as long as you’re maintaining that connection.”

Couples shouldn’t put “too much pressure on engaging in sex as frequently as possible,” she suggested.

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The study was based on data collected over four decades from a survey of 30,000 Americans in relationships.

“Our findings were consistent for men and women, younger and older people, and couples who had been married for a few years or decades,” Muise said.

But there was no association between sexual frequency and happiness for singles, noted Muise, a social psychologist at the University of Toronto-Mississauga.

SOURCE:http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/sex/couples-who-have-sex-just-once-a-week-are-the-happiest/news-story/cad89556a0fabcb24c6f2a7e26aa8d43

Why are you staying in loveless marriage?

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to 65 Year-Old Man with a 45-year-old Approach to Life who complained about his wife’s lack of desire. Really? I would love to hear her side! Methinks she would speak the truth and put an honest spin on “Mr. Romance, I need stimulation.”

I also live in a sexless, lonely marriage. Sports and drinking are his first loves. He gained a lot of weight in our early years together and ignores his doctor’s advice to lose it. He used to fall asleep on top of me after having sex, snore all night and awaken refreshed while I stumbled through my day exhausted from lack of sleep.

I struggled through years of feeling very lonely as he isn’t a talker. We stopped going out to restaurants because he doesn’t talk, and I got tired of having a one-way conversation. I cook great meals and keep a lovely home because it gives me a lift. He has done some pretty horrible things in our years together, and I chose to be the loyal wife and stood by his side. He has never protected me, never looks into my eyes or has romantic conversations with me.

We have no dreams, no goals and no desires. He gets excited when there are two hockey games on TV at the same time. How could I possibly get stimulated enough to be intimate with this man? If I could write a song describing our life together, it would be titled “I lost me when I met you.”

— Sadly Coping, Winnipeg

 

Dear Sadly Coping: And your husband is sadly coping too, as you are not intimate with him and don’t like his personality anymore. Why did you stay and waste all those years? Why not leave now and both of you can salvage the years you have left? The divorce taboo is over, and there’s nothing worse than feeling desperately lonely while trapped with somebody who keeps you from finding a companion with mutual interests to love, enjoy and have a sexual relationship with.

Are you unable to work and support yourself? It’s not too late to change your life. In fact, you would be free and less lonely if you dumped this man who is such a negative influence. You sound like platonic roommates. What was he like in the beginning? Why did you marry him? Why stay after he did “some pretty horrible things?”

Life on this planet (if you are lucky enough to have the wherewithal to live, eat and be comfortable) is a gift to make much of. People can do that if they surround themselves with the right people. You know he is wrong for you. You’re being loyal to someone you say is causing you to lose your very self — your soul. You can’t give that away to anybody. It’s all any of us have.

Source:http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/arts-and-life/diversions/miss-lonelyhearts/Why-are-you-st-366079851.html

-Michael Forman (Author of sexless story SEETHINGS) Subscribe to blog.

The Novel ¦The Author ¦ Orde
SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman

6 Foolish Ways You Make Your Sexless Marriage Even WORSE

doing wrongIf you’re honest, you’re the real barrier here … but you don’t have to be.

According to statistics, more than 40 million Americans find themselves in a sexless marriage. (This doesn’t include all of the non-married relationships or the rest of the world.)

More than half the couples I counsel each week have not had sex with their partner in over a year. A large number of these couples are over 40 years of age and use the changes to their physiology as their excuse to avoid sexual intimacy.

For others, sex ended with the birth of their children or due to plain ‘ol repetition and boredom.

However, these are all excuses for the real issue. Can’t quite put your finger on it? Here are some of the top “reasons” couples settle for a sexless relationship:

1. You don’t like talking about sex
While many couples are uncomfortable talking about sex, in my experience, they’re generally not comfortable talking about anything with each other and have huge communication issues. After tons of medical advances I’ve yet to hear of anyone reading minds, thus, it’s important that you sit down and discuss your pleasures and desires (both current and potential) with your spouse. Be sure the two of you build a safe place, for you to discuss these topics without judgment.

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2. You don’t really understand the mechanics of sexuality and lust 
There are specific stages that sexual activity generally move through (desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm, refractory) and many couples don’t understand how to utilize this knowledge for the deepest, and most satisfying connection.

3. You’re on antidepressants 
Many antidepressants, typically, have a sexual side-effect profile, which can typically impact many men and women. Perhaps, speak to your doctor about alternatives or new ways to boost your libido.

4. You rarely get enough sleep
In our under-slept culture, sleep deficiency drains us of energy for sex play, thus impacting our mood and desire for intimacy. Make sure you’re catching the recommended amount of z’s for the best performance possible.

5. You’re ignoring the effects of aging
As the “baby boomers” advance in age, issues involving menopause and erectile dysfunction become more prevalent. If this is the case, I recommend getting your doctor’s opinion. These types of conditions don’t have to mean the end of your sex life, it simply means adapting.

6. You view the sexual problems as your partner’s issue, instead of yours as a couple
Issues of shame and guilt prevent us from acknowledging, communicating, and solving our sexual issues as a team. The sooner you can admit and pinpoint your role in any issues the two of you are having in the bedroom, the sooner you can get things booming again.

If you are experiencing some of this and have a question for me, I hold a free tele-seminar every month where I answer your most important questions about relationships, romance, intimacy or sexuality. You can find out more at askadamnow.com

-Source http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr–adam-sheck/6-causes-sexless-marriage

THE RISE OF THE SEXLESS RELATIONSHIP – ONE IN THREE COUPLES CANNOT REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THEY WERE INTIMATE

A new survey has revealed that one in three couples (32%) in a long term relationship or marriage have sex so infrequently now that they can’t remember the last time they had it, with one in ten (10%) even admitting to no longer having a sexual relationship at all.

The study by The Fantasy Box also shows that 61% of those surveyed admit to enjoying a better sex life in previous relationships, with over a third of couples (38%) aged 25-44 blaming family life getting in the way, and nearly half (49%) putting it down to not having the confidence to communicate regularly about their sexual fantasies desires.

For younger couples aged 18-25, work life priorities were cited as the most common reason (19%), and for the grey generation aged 55 plus, not feeling as fit as healthy as they once affected half (50%) of respondents.

Over a third (39%) also admitted to hiding their sexual fantasies from their current partner, stating also (38%) that they just don’t talk about sex anymore. Over a quarter also confessed to being scared of their partners’ reaction (27%) and suffering from a lack of confidence in the bedroom department (27%).

For those couples citing sex as the number one “elephant in the room” in their relationship, nearly a quarter (24%) felt there was not enough information on products and services out there out there to support affected relationships. Half of these of these respondents (50%) suggested they would consider trying dedicated date nights, with nearly one in five (18%) admitting to wanting to experiment more with sex toys to spice things up.

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Mariah Byrne, the co-founder of The Fantasy Box said: “This research shows just how much our sex lives are suffering, and how much of an impact it’s having on the happiness of even the most committed relationships. But it’s not that we don’t want it, we just don’t talk about what we really want!

“Our research showed that whilst a quarter (25%) of the UK have read 50 Shades of Grey, (raising to over a third for those couples aged 18-34) many more of us are too afraid to share our own fantasies with our partners or even talk about sex at all. It appears we’re happy to read about it, but when it comes to our own relationships, we take the stiff upper lip approach and become rather reserved!

“As a woman, I founded The Fantasy Box with my partner Chris with one mission – to bring back our happy sex lives! We believe that a happy sex life is one of the, if not the, most important elements in a happy long term relationship. And it all starts with talking to your partner, sharing what you really want, getting over the fear of rejection or embarrassment. And then doing it! So we started a subscription service that will not only help you take your intimacy to the next level, but also rediscover your relationship, inside the bedroom and out. Our aim is make monogamy the sexiest thing on the planet!”

TOP 10 FANCY DRESS FANTASIES

1. Doctor & Nurse
2. French Maid
3. Schoolgirl
4. Secretary
5. Playgirl Bunny
6. Air Hostess
7. Firefighter
8. Masseuse
9. Victoria’s Secret Angel
10. Policeman

The Fantasy Box launched in the UK on 13th-15th November at Sexpo, and aims to help partners discover what they like, both individually, and as a couple, through communication and discovery. For more information on the revolutionary date night tool, please visit www.thefantasybox.com.

Source: http://www.sourcewire.com/news/89141/the-rise-of-the-sexless-relationship-one-in-three-couples#.Vk2lQtIrJNB