Is sex really the secret to a happy marriage?

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Sex seems to be one of those topics that can take on a life of it’s own. Whether we’re seeing it played out in movies by Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson in Something’s Gotta Give, reading about it in graphic detail in popular books like 50 Shades of Grey, or hearing about George Clooney’s latest ‘conquest’ (before he married his now-wife of course), it seems like sex is everywhere and everyone is doing it.

But how much about this fantasy of an over-active sex life is actually real? If we were to believe everything we read on the internet and popular media, we’d be forgiven for thinking the whole world is full of frisky couples who can’t keep their hands off each other. When it comes to real life though, it’s a different story.

adSEETHINGSA new survey of 5,000 people in long-term relationships has found that most couples rate sex as an unimportant factor in their relationship. When asked the question: “How important is sex in keeping a couple happy and in love?” the majority of couples agreed sex just wasn’t that important in the grand scheme of things.

In fact, 66% of couples said they are happy to have sex only three times a month. Instead of sex, these couples valued other things like laughing together, being cared for, feeling safe, and being happy as much more meaningful and significant in maintaining a healthy and happy marriage.

While we’re often told a sexless marriage is something to be feared and fixed; the reality is though, most people are happy to keep the sex to a minimum. That’s not to say there aren’t couples who enjoy getting physical more than a few times a week. The point the survey makes though, is that if you’re in a relationship that’s more about hugs and kisses than wild nights in the bedroom, you’re not alone – you’re not even unique!

When asked “What do you like best about your relationship?” these were the top answers:

1. Laughing together.
2. Sharing values and interests.
3. Being best friends.
4. Being cared for and feeling supported.
5. Feeling safe and secure.
6. Being happy.
7. Trust.
8. Sharing a close relationship.
9. Talking and listening.
10. Being in love and/or being loved.

They all sound like pretty good answers!

Source: http://startsatsixty.com.au/the-big-question/is-sex-really-the-secret-to-a-happy-marriage

-Michael Forman (Author of sexless story SEETHINGS) Subscribe to blog.

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SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman

Mother-of-three offers to pay for her husband to visit a prostitute… as she can no longer face having sex with him

Sexless marriage couple

A WOMAN offered her husband the chance to visit a prostitute as the pair live together in a sexless marriage.

Mum-of-three Sara Collins, 46, and her husband Graham, 47, have slept in separate bedrooms for over five years.

The couple, from Sussex, have three children: Ella, 15, Jude, 11, Jake, seven.

After having kids, Sara claims that she felt less of an urge to have sex.

She explained: “I had a number of miscarriages so when I did get pregnant Graham didn’t want to touch me for safety reasons.

“Then when I was breastfeeding he found it inappropriate for us to have sex.”

When their youngest son Jake turned two, the couple moved into separate bedrooms because they were both keeping each other awake from snoring.

Even though Sara claims she still fancies her husband, they’re now living in a sexless marriage.

Unfazed Graham assures: “I have gone past caring, I don’t bother asking anymore.”

Sara isn’t worried that Graham might turn his affections to another woman.

She said: “We have an open, honest relationship, we talk about everything and that is the most important thing.”

At one point, Sara even suggested that Graham went to see a prostitute if sex was “that important to him”.

She confessed: “We are very open about having an affair.

“If either of us felt the need to go and have an affair and be intimate with someone as long as we have had that conversation if it fine, we have had that agreement all our relationship.”

Research reveals that living in a sexless marriage isn’t uncommon, with one in four couples admitting the intimacy has fizzled.

This Morning relationship expert Annabelle Knight advised the couple that having sex was important in a relationship.

She said: “Like going to the gym, you might not feel like it but when you are there you will be glad you went.”

Source (with video included): http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/6948710/Mum-of-three-says-she-would-pay-for-her-husband-to-visit-a-prostitute-as-she-can-no-longer-face-having-sex-with-him.html

-Michael (Author of sexless story in SEETHINGS) Subscribe to blog.

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SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman

6 Month Relationship Turns Sexless

5143I have been seeing a guy for about six months now and he is great — intelligent, attractive, creative, hilarious. We behave as a couple in all ways, but our relationship is at the moment sexless. Over the duration of us seeing each other, we have only ever had sex twice, the second time being almost two months ago now. The first time he was unable to perform, was incredibly embarrassed, and I think he may still be hung up about that even though I assured him it wasn’t a big deal to me at all. We definitely still have chemistry and even talk sexually all the time, but he’s been coming up with excuses not to do it. I really care about and am attracted to my guy, but I’m not sure how to bring up his hesitancy toward sex without potentially hurting his pride. After getting shut down a few times, I’m also lacking in confidence to just go for it and initiate sex, so we are in a real rut. What should I do?
When guys have trouble performing, they often get squirrelly. As hard as it can be for a guy to get it up, it can be harder for him to get over it. And performance anxiety is just that — anxiety. People react to anxiety in all kinds of ways, and it sounds like your guy is avoiding his, which is completely normal but not particularly productive.

It’s lovely that you worry about hurting his pride, but you’re right: You do need to find a way to bring this up. Since he’s shutting you down when you make a pass, I think the best option is probably to gently but seriously raise the issue. Then, don’t let him dodge or cut off the conversation.

Start with flattery. Tell him what you told me — that he’s “great, intelligent, attractive, creative, hilarious.” And tell him you think he’s hot. Tell him you think sex is an important part of any relationship, then say, “I want to have sex with you, so let’s figure this out.” Notice I said, “Let’sfigure this out.” Yes, he’s the one who was “unable to perform,” but both of you need to work on your sexual relationship.

Source:http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a52385/ask-logan-im-in-a-sexless-relationship-performance-issues/

-Michael Forman (Author of sexless story SEETHINGS) Subscribe to blog.

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SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman

Sexlessish Marriage Less Sexless During Affair

I’m a thirty-something hetro female, married for almost 16 years with three kids. Like many couples who have been together a long time, my husband and I have grown apart. I know this can be improved but there is part of the relationship that I am not sure can be fixed. Specifically, I have zero sexual attraction to him. But I don’t know if this is related to us not making enough effort to maintain a good relationship and the attraction can come back with effort or if it gone forever. I don’t want to split up my family but I also don’t see how I can stay in this marriage when I never want to fuck my husband.

Marriage couple marital problems in bed. Sex problem or other. W

Making it all worse is the fact that I had a brief affair with a coworker and of course, the sex was amazing. I have never had such a strong physical attraction as I do to him. We’ve ended it but I still see him frequently at work, so it’s a constant reminder of the sexual passion that is lacking in my relationship. I’m committed to trying to make things work with my husband but in your experience, is it possible to save a marriage when the physical chemistry is lacking for one partner?

Lack Of Sexual Tension

 

Quick question: When you were having that affair… did you find yourself having more sex (or any sex) with your husband? — Dan

Initially we did have more sex. I think on some subconscious level he knew something was going on because he suddenly was initiating sex a lot more. — LOST

The sex with your husband during your affair: was it sex you enjoyed? Were you more attracted to—or open to, or interested in—sex with your husband during your affair? — Dan

I enjoyed it because, physically speaking, my husband knows what I like. But I closed my eyes and pretended he was my lover. I wasn’t more attracted to my husband but I found myself turning him down less during the time I was having an affair. I think partly out of a sense of guilt and partly because I was constantly in a state of feeling turned on during the affair. — LOST

Monogamy is gonna kill your marriage—eventually you’ll want out (because you’re gonna wanna to have sex with someone you actually wanna have sex with), or your husband is gonna want out (because there’s only so much rejection he can take).

You have two choices, LOST:

1. Resume discreetly cheating on your husband, aka doing what you need to do to stay married and stay sane. The fact that your affair improved his sex life too, since your state of near-constant arousal led you to reject your husband less often, should take a little edge off the guilt.

2. Ask your husband to open up your marriage. You do it honestly and directly (“Let’s have sex with other people, okay?”) or less honestly and less directly (“I don’t want out of our marriage, I love him and I love our family, but the sex has broken and I wouldn’t blame you—and I wouldn’t divorce you—if you sought sex elsewhere.”)

Good luck. — Dan

Source: http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2016/03/03/23663378/savage-love-letter-of-the-day

No sex, please, we can’t be bothered

Lust and sex, we’re constantly reminded, are far from the preserve of the young.

1455331770741Just ask Dame Helen Mirren, who last year, aged 69, pronounced her sex life “great, just wonderful”; a step up from the “paranoid and empty” encounters of her youth.

Not only are happily married older couples supposedly swinging as madly from the chandeliers as their children, but the silver singles are on Tinder, too, these days, having affairs via the Ashley Madison website, or shopping till their arches drop in Agent Provocateur.

Indeed, psychologists and doctors positively urge us to “get it on” as often as possible as we get older, for the good of our mental and physical health. Moreover, a “Sex Census” in 2012, jointly funded by Relate and Ann Summers, suggested that most of us are so bogged down in our thirties and forties with mortgage payments and childcare that it’s only when we hit our fifties that all systems are truly go. Sexual confidence, it suggested, peaks between the ages of 60 and 69.

Can this riotous image of free love among the Hip Op Generation really paint the full picture? Not according to a new survey, out yesterday, which found that one in four couples over 50 never make love at all.

If this finding sounds bleak, additional research released alongside it should leave us all feeling a bit brighter. Because the “sexless seniors” who were surveyed agreed that, despite the apparently chilly nights, they couldn’t be happier – revelling in the renewed space this gave for companionship, conversation and humour to take the fore in their relationship.

Cari Rosen, editor of the website Gransnet, which carried out the research among 634 of its users, aged 51 to 85, said: “While passion is undoubtedly important for most people, it turns out that the glue in successful long-term relationships is compassion, kindness, generosity and friendship – which is advice that people of any age can use.”

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Yorkshire-based housewife Clare*, 54, certainly agrees. She and John, also 54, have been married for 19 years, but haven’t been intimate for the past eight.

“It’s funny to think back on the early days of our relationship and realise how important sex was to us both then,” she says now, describing their sexual attraction and adventurous physical relationship as the “glue” that initially bound them together, after they met at work. “I always joked that I noticed his beautiful bum before I even saw his face.”

Since then, the couple have enjoyed a strong and happy marriage, despite “a few bumps in the road” – post-natal depression for Clare, after the birth of their now 18-year-old son; and, for John, being made redundant from his job in engineering at 48, which plunged him into a full-scale mid-life crisis. “But, on balance, we remain a loving and committed couple.”

Lack of sex does not equate to physical distance: “We still need the closeness of sharing a bed every night. We still kiss and cuddle up on the sofa, walk hand-in-hand, and enjoy a tactile, physically affectionate relationship.”

So why have they not made love for so long? Clare puts their sex-free existence down to jointly waning libidos. “I went off sex when I was approaching the menopause, which is not untypical. It became uncomfortable and, eventually, undesirable.

“John said he understood. He’d just been made redundant and was doing a lot of soul-searching, so I think sex was probably not much in his thoughts then anyway.

“I thought my libido would make a comeback after the menopause, but it didn’t. ‘What if it never comes back?’ I asked John in bed one night, and he said it was nothing to worry about. We’re in our fifties, we’re fit and healthy and still very much in love with each other. There’s no benefit in fretting about sex if neither of us is bothered about having it.”

Clare adds: “Sex isn’t how we love each other now; it’s no longer part of the fabric of our relationship, and that’s absolutely fine, because we both feel the same way about it.

“It’s as if we have moved to a place beyond sex. I would worry for my marriage if we weren’t tender and loving in other ways, but we are – and have always been – open with each other about our feelings.”

Not everyone approves of this surrender to non-sexuality. Arlene Heyman, a 73-year-old psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, whose new book Scary Old Sex has just been published by Bloomsbury, told the Telegraph last week: “Do not let yourself be pushed into the persona of an asexual person. That doesn’t mean flaunt your sexuality. But it’s masochism to accept less than a full life.”

Petra Boynton, a psychologist specialising in sex research, is more circumspect. “There are a number of things that connect people,” she said, in response to the 2012 survey, “but we are constantly spun this line that the glue to a relationship is sex, and without it one’s relationship will fall apart, and I think there are a lot of commercial reasons why that message is put out. That’s not just insulting, it’s pernicious.”

So what is the new “relationship glue” in Clare and John’s life?

“We used to make love until dawn in the early days. Today, we’d rather put on our boots and head up into the Dales for a long walk and a pub lunch, or catch a flight to Paris or Budapest to explore the city for a weekend.

“We both love cooking and homemaking, taking to the road in our vintage MG, spending time with our son, who’ll be leaving for university soon, and dreaming about buying a dilapidated property in France that we can renovate in our dotage.”

As all manner of sexual behaviour becomes less taboo, the irony is that not having sex at all now feels like it’s a sordid secret.

“I know people will judge the path we have chosen,” says Clare, who won’t discuss the celibate state of her happy marriage openly, even with close friends. “They will say there must be something wrong, something missing, in a sexless marriage; that there is something unnatural about our celibacy. But that’s not how we see it.

“Sex is so irrelevant to me, in fact, that I don’t even think it would be a deal-breaker if John had it with someone else. It would shock me, but it would make no sense to call time on my marriage simply because John had chosen to find, elsewhere, something that he knew wasn’t available at home.

“Anyway, I’m confident that, like me, he cherishes and respects our relationship, and would be unlikely to put it in jeopardy for something we have both grown to regard as extraneous.”

And as Dame Helen Mirren well knows, there is nothing more attractive than confidence. Even sex.

Additional reporting: Mandy Appleyard

*Some names have been changed

 Source: http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/love-sex/76857794/no-sex-please-we-cant-be-bothered

-Michael Forman (Author of sexless story SEETHINGS) Subscribe to blog.

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What about asexuality?

Could this be a plausible cause of the sexless-ness

The worst way to miss someone…

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…is when they’re right there beside you and you can’t touch, taste, hold or have them. It’s not a tease but extreme torture!

Some will disagree with the following statement: It’s worse having a partner who won’t participate in sex than not having a partner at all. Illusion promises opportunity but rejection destroys it over and over again. There’s nothing worse than sleeping close to a lover’s body without being able to access it or have it touch you back.

What can be done?

Firstly, check to make sure you’re advances aren’t being misunderstood. Love-language signals can get mixed and even lost during translation. So make sure your partner knows how you feel.

Open conversation is always a solution. Communication is the key to understanding. Once discussion has taken place things should improve, if not then it’s a perfect opportunity for you to expand your communication skills a little further. Perhaps a clearer sexual signal should be installed in the relationship. I once remember friends used a doll as a device to post their interest in sex. The doll sat on their mantelpiece and when one of them was interested, the doll was tipped on its side, if the other one wasn’t up to a roll under the sheets, the doll was uprighted. This visual cue left no doubt to what was going on in anyone’s mind at any time.

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Visual signaling isn’t entirely foolproof though. For some couples, using a flagging device like this could appear threatening or unromantic, turning couples further away from the bedroom. Fair enough, but perhaps this deflection is only an excuse for something else. Perhaps there is a real underlying issue that needs exposing and discussing more. In any case, the doll concept is a good thing to bring to the relationship table because if it exposes such a problem, professional counselling may assist with a decent and lasting repair job.

What if better communication doesn’t work?

That’s a good question. Sometimes it doesn’t work.

In my situation, communication didn’t work at all. No amount of talking or professional counselling helped us. In the end I had to remove myself from our marital bed to reduce the sense of torture affecting me and stop the insanity free fall. Moving into another bedroom did solve these two problems almost immediately. I felt one hundred percent better for making the decision. One week into it and I was sleeping through the night again. A month had passed and I had a dream, the first in many years.

Yes, things were THAT bad… and the move created new problems for my wife. For her, the bed was empty at night. Her husband chose not to be with her and said nothing about why he had left. Once upon a time I would’ve been concerned enough to stem her anxieties. Unfortunately, self-preservation took precedence and I already had a ship load of my own to manage. I wanted her to ask. I wanted her to show some initiative and take charge of her side of the relationship. Several months have gone by and she hasn’t said or done anything. I don’t expect she will. It’s too hard now. The truth makes sex unattractive and pride keeps lips closed. An admission of guilt is a bolus too difficult to swallow.

Fourteen years wandering in a sexual desert isn’t normal for anyone. Logical and stable thoughts are hard to maintain when they’re continuously confronted with an undying thirst and consecutive mirages that promise a watery oasis at journey’s end. Unfortunatley the journey never did. The mirage kept lying. I just had to close my eyes and turn away.

And that’s why this is the worst way to miss someone.

-Michael Forman (Author of SEETHINGS)

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SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman (This is real)

Michael has put together a strong, heart beating novel, one which the readers of ‘psychotic thrillers’ will enjoy  – for the faint hearted, leave it alone!

– Mike M. Roleystone

Why Marriage Vows Should Include Sex In Them

Bride and groom's hands holding wedding rings
Bride and groom’s hands holding wedding rings

Traditional marriage vows cover better and worse; sickness and health; riches and poverty; forsaking all others… but not its opposite. What is the opposite of forsaking all others, anyway? Well, if forsaking all others is about the absence of sex (with other people), then its opposite, in our opinion, is the presence of sex (with your spouse).

We got to thinking about the presence of sex in marriage after reading these quotes on YourTango from couples who have been married for 25-plus years, on how often they currently have sex. The answer: Some of them have it multiple times a week; others haven’t had it in many, many years.

Of course, sex is as much a symptom as it is a cause. Bad marriages usually lead to bad or no sex. Only if you’re lucky will you still be having makeup sex after you fight… 25 years into your marriage. And decades of resentment isn’t exactly conducive to post-date-night sex. Also, simply having sex a few times a week is no guarantee that you’ll still be happy after 25 years of marriage. (Especially if only one of you really wants it.) And who’s to say that a virtually sexless marriage doesn’t work for some happy couples?

Whatever the case, it’s a lot harder to resent each other when you’re having sex that’s satisfying to both partners as often or as little as you’d both like. There’s a world of difference between sex a few times every week or month after 25 years… and no sex at all. There’s a world of difference between sex that satisfies one partner, but rarely the other. Wouldn’t you like to know what your spouse hopes for? Wouldn’t you like to know what your partner would think if those hopes were dashed? And wouldn’t you like your partner to know your own hopes?

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There are no guarantees, of course. Penises malfunction, menopause strikes, bodies change, libidos wane, childbirth fucks everything up, etc. So we’re not suggesting that marriage vows contain any sort of binding commitment to, say, sex every week for the rest of your married life. Besides, we think Aunt Mabel would probably have a heart attack right then and there if she heard this: “In sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for reciprocal oral sex and extended sensual massage, for sixty-nines and 20 minutes of foreplay…”

What you should vow, instead, is to do everything in your power to make sure your partner is happy in the bedroom, whatever “in the bedroom” means to them. Note: This kind of vow only works if both of you vow the same thing. That means compromising. But you both have to compromise. Think of it this way: If one of you wants sex every night and the other one wants it, well, never, then having sex every night obviously isn’t a compromise. But in the same vein, if one of you wants sex every night and the other one wants it, well, never, then never having sex isn’t a compromise either, is it?

Unlike traditional marriage vows, a sex vow isn’t one-size-fits-all. Maybe your own personal compromise involves porn… or maybe it involves an open marriage. Maybe you’re willing to discuss a don’t-ask-don’t-tell arrangement, or happy ending massages in Vegas. Are you open to kink? Role-playing? Talking through fantasiestogether? Maybe just the possibility of getting a new sex toy to try together every year on your anniversary. Whatever it is, we think it’s probably a good idea to discuss what you’re each open to before you get into a rut. And once you’ve had the conversation, then all you need to promise is to try to be a good custodian of your partner’s desires… whatever that turns out to mean… within reason, of course (e.g. if you got married with the expectation of a straight monogamous relationship, but five years down the line your partner wants to experiment with bisexual orgies, then you are not automatically obligated to sign them up for the nearest swingers convention).

But if you’re dedicated to being open-minded and communicative in your future marriage, then you might consider coming up with a code word for this sex commitment, inserting it into your vows somewhere and actually saying it out loud as part of your wedding ceremony. That way, Aunt Mabel still makes it to the reception.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/em-and-lo/why-marriage-vows-should-include-sex_b_7071108.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

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The Brutal Truth About Sexless Marriages

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Experts sound in on sexless marriage and long-term love.

Jennifer* didn’t have sex with her ex-husband on their wedding night. “I chalked it up to fatigue,” she says. But should it have been a red flag?

Well, maybe.

It’s not that it didn’t happen that one night that was the problem; it’s that it was the first of many sexless married nights. As an engaged couple, Jennifer and her fiancé were doing it about three times a week, but once they said their vows, it quickly dwindled to about once a month—sometimes less.

Some experts call marriages that average 10 rolls in the hay per year or less “sexless,” but other experts take the word more literally, like Susan Yager-Berkowitz, who coauthored (with her husband).

“If a couple is content with intimacy less than once a month, and happily married, I doubt they would refer to themselves as having a sexless marriage… and neither would we.”

Dean Mason, who runs the website Fix Your Sexless Marriage, agrees, “Each person defines what his or her sex threshold is.”

But even if there’s no perfect definition for a “sexless” marriage, everyone seems to agree that they’re common. Newsweek estimates that about 15 to 20 percent of couples are in one, and sexless marriage is the topic of myriad new books—like Yager-Berkowitz’s—and plenty of articles and columns. Back in 2003, Newsweek’s cover blared, “We’re Not In the Mood,” and the story hasn’t gone away. The New York Times reports that about 15 percent of married couples had not done the deed in the past six months to a year.

It’s not a given that a couple’s bedroom activity will fizzle over time—we all know a randy couple who’ve been married for decades—but any number of factors could start the tailspin.

Psychotherapist Tina Tessina, PhD, author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, lists these as the most common causes of sexless marriages: one partner had their feelings hurt or got turned down too many times, one got too busy or neglectful, or one or both partners has a communication problem of some sort.

Judith Steinhart, a clinical sexologist in New York City, is yet more specific: “Problems in a marriage [like] lack of trust, anxiety, financial issues, misunderstandings, pressure from children, all can impact a couple’s sexual patterns.”

The question, of course, is whether refraining from sex causes other problems, or if the other problems stop the sex in the first place?

“It’s a cycle,” says Mason. In other words, one can exacerbate the other—and before you know it, no one can remember what came first.

As for how much sex a healthy couple should be having, that varies—and is up to the couple to figure out. Tessina’s best advice is at least once a week, saying that “intimacy keeps you glued together. It’s what you need in order to nurture your connection to your spouse. You’ll be a lot happier with each other and feel more cared about if you’re regularly having sex.”

Husbands and wives shouldn’t feel like they have to stick to once a week during stressful or tumultuous times. And of course, there can always be an off-week—or longer. As Steinhart notes, “Sex and sexual expression change along with the longevity of a relationship, ebbing and flowing during a lifetime.” But the good news, she says, is that the ebb is “natural—and you can get back to the flow easily.”

But when a couple has had a long period—say, several months—without sex, it’s important to address the problem, so months don’t become years, Tessina says. “Some couples won’t have sex for two years and then come in to my practice and ask for help. We can get to the bottom of the problem at that point, but it’s more challenging. If they haven’t had sex for a couple of months, that’s when they really should be asking questions. That’s a good time to come in and have therapy. Otherwise, anger and frustration builds, and it takes longer to fix it that way.”

After a period of sexual inactivity, you and your partner can get back on the proverbial horse. The experts say that scheduling sex can work.

“I know this doesn’t sound romantic,” says Mason. “But with kids, work and chores, it may be the only way.” Take inspiration from the Obamas and call it “date night.” Think back to when you and your spouse actually were dating and try to recapture some of those spontaneous, getting-to-know-you moments.

“Remember how you connected back then and repeat that,” says Tessina. “It could be a few words, a gesture, a kind of look or touch.”

Do new things together, go on a trip or try some thrilling activities to try to keep things fresh. “Break away from your routine as much as possible,” says Mason.

It’s common for spouses to have different amounts of sexual desire. If you’re the spouse who’s unsatisfied, it’s important to communicate with your partner, compassionately.

“Say, ‘We haven’t had sex in a while, and I miss you,'” recommends Tessina. “Don’t complain about it—that’s not going to get you laid. Go for the sweetness.” Choose the time of day that works for both of you; maybe set the scene with some candlelight, romantic music or whatever helps you both get into the mood.

“Try to make it as easy and simple as possible to get together, and it gets easier to do,” says Tessina. “In a long-term marriage, you have to pay attention to keep the sex going. It won’t keep going by itself.”

The experts agree that a marriage without sex isn’t necessarily wrong, but it can be more vulnerable than one with regular sex. Luckily, it’s doesn’t always take much to keep up a routine—but it does take some effort.

Steinhart suggests getting back into the groove by reading erotic stories or watching X-rated movies together and opening a dialogue about each other’s sexual desires. What gets each couple—and each person—back on track will vary, so explore ways to loosen up your current attitudes about sex, shake up your routine a bit and begin to talk about sex with your partner.

“The focus needs to be on giving and receiving pleasure,” says Steinhart. “And letting the [sexual] feelings in.”

If you’re the one who doesn’t want to have sex, closely examine what’s going on in your life and your relationship and ask yourself why. It could be a physical condition you should see a doctor about, or it could be negative feelings toward something in your relationship—and that could be something you can get past. “Be honest with your partner,” says Mason. “Remember that it’s important to your relationship to keep you partner sexually satisfied.”

“There are deals you can work out,” says Tessina. “Maybe you can hold your partner while theymasturbate.”

So is a sexless marriage ever okay? Yes, says Steinhart, as long as both partners honestly feel happy and satisfied with their relationship without sexual intimacy.

“If a couple is OK with their pattern, whether it’s infrequent or not at all there isn’t a problem,” says Steinhart. “Some would say, ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.'” That’s why it’s important to keep an open dialogue with your spouse, to continue to connect on other levels and to make sure both of you are truly content with the status of the relationship. Steinhart adds, “It’s not a lack of sex that’s the issue, it’s a discordant level of desire.”

*name changed

Source: http://www.yourtango.com/200929024/how-diagnose-and-fix-sexless-marriage

Mother-in-law at center of most family rifts

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The Bible says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife.” But does he have to cleave so much?

A new study from the University of Cambridge Center for Family Research and an organization called the Stand Alone Institute has found that rifts between parents and their son’s wife are among the most common reasons for family estrangement.

The study, which was based on the responses of more than 800 men and women in England who had little or no contact with their families, found that divisions between parents and sons lasted a third longer than those between parents and daughters. The issues most commonly listed as “very relevant” in the breakdown of relationships with daughters included mental health problems and emotional abuse.

But the issues most closely associated with sons included divorce, in-laws and marriage.

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As one respondent wrote, “My son and I had a very strong loving relationship for 25 years. He met his soon-to-be wife and our relationship and his relationships with everyone on his side slowly went away. Everyone that knew him including friends and family saw this and felt this. He disowned anyone that does not like his now-wife.”

Source:http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/01/11/drama-between-wife-mother-in-law-at-center-most-family-rifts.html

-Michael Forman (Author of sexless story SEETHINGS) Subscribe to blog.

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SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman

Tori Spelling talks bouncing back from husband’s infidelity

Monogamy is getting a transformation from Tori Spelling and her cheating husband.The actress opened up about Dean McDermott’s infidelity on the “Today” show on Thursday and explained why she went against expectations and decided to stay by his side.

TORI SPELLING OPENS UP ABOUT DEAM MCDERMOTT’S CHEATING”I feel like we’re kind of turning monogamy on its head,” she said.JASON LAVERIS/FILMMAGICSpelling and McDermott have four children.

“(We’re) flipping it,” she continued, explaining how the depiction of marriage by “society” is a “fairy tale.”

“I thought it should be that way. And then when it wasn’t. ‘I was like, ‘Well, what do I do? I divorce my husband? I have four kids!’”

Cheating rumors long surrounded her 49-year-old husband and in 2013 a two-night affair with a then 28-year-old Emily Goodhand was exposed.

McDermott reportedly told Goodhand that he and Spelling were in a sexless marriage.

Despite the betrayal, Spelling said she never stopped loving McDermott and decided to “make this work.”

Since forgiving his wandering ways, Spelling said she and McDermott have rebuild the strained marriage.

“Things are really great right now, but you know what? We had to deconstruct our relationship, we really did,” she added.The couple will celebrate a decade of marriage in May.

Spelling says her marriage is “great’ two years after her husband’s affair.

The reality starlet also slammed speculations of financial troubles, which swirled in January when American Express sued her for failing to pay her credit card balance.

“I just want that story to go away,” she told People magazine.”We’re doing a great new series, I’m really happy, we’re doing a new show on Cooking Channel — we’re not bankrupt, we’re not struggling, we’re fine!” she added.

Source: Tori Spelling talks bouncing back from husband’s infidelity – NY Daily News