English: A couple performing sexual intercours...

Definition provided by The People (Thanks to Wikipedia):

Sexual intercourse, or coitus or copulation, is principally the insertion and thrusting of a male’s penis, usually when erect, into a female’s vagina for the purposes of sexual pleasure or reproduction. This is also known as vaginal intercourse or vaginal sex. Other forms of penetrative sexual intercourse include penetration of the anus by the penis (anal sex), penetration of the mouth by the penis or oral penetration of the female genitalia (oral sex), sexual penetration by the fingers (fingering), and penetration by use of a strap-on dildo. These activities involve physical intimacy between two or more individuals and are usually used among humans solely for physical or emotional pleasure and commonly contribute to human bonding.

I prefer Wikipedia’s answer over a standard dictionary’s, not only is it modernized and less sanitized, but it’s always evolving. Everyone has an opinion and no two opinions are the same. The amount of citation and amendment marks that surround the original text on its home site proves this and suggests we are passionate in letting the world know about our experience in the subject!

As the definition changes and grows with little pieces of the puzzle being added and refined periodically, the answers to what sex is to humans appears to come from a complex, endless source. Sex to some is fingers and dildos. Sex to some is anuses and vaginas. It’s not just about reproduction and not so black and white. Human sexuality variants are as diverse as colours in the visible light spectrum.

Methodology and frequency heats any discussion fast. If you want to cool a sex-talk down, talk about connection. Most of us agree that there is something beyond the physical side of sex that we yearn for – a kind of emotional optimism. Some use the word love to explain that sensation but some choose to steer away from it, muddying up the waters again. To me, the water is crystal clear. Sexuality is an extension of a much simpler need, human touch.

I’ve thought about this long and hard. Almost everything we do seems funnel into one thing: The acknowledgment of self. I exist and I matter within this existence.

Babies know this feeling. A mother reaches out and touches her offspring for the first time and suddenly the journey of existence in the outside world begins. The baby knows it exists and matters when its mother strokes its head and nuzzles her face against its chest. The words are written all over every touch and we carry that desire to matter into our adulthood. All of us want to I matter. All of us want our existence to count for something.

Sex is one way we activate, communicate and receive this basic need as adults – I matter.

It’s a selfish need but even that selfishness is normal. Think about it. For the first few years a baby receives touch. It does not need to give touch to fulfil anything in its mother. It’s offering to its parents is its very existence, another way we receive the sensation I matter.

But here’s where adulthood screws with our mind. In order to receive touch we have to do three things: Be prepared to share and offer it. Communicate our need to receive it. Include our touch-specific sexual organs in the process. None of these things are freely taught to us at any time in our lives. Why? Well, that’s a question bound in too much civilised emotional red-tape to answer. All I know is we have an emotional need that is reached by a physical one and it goes to I exist and I matter.

It explains much.

It explains why the wires get crossed. If we are told nothing, shown nothing, taught nothing then the selfish programming we started with will prevail.

Even asexuals and those with low libidos can be explained by this. Touch doesn’t have to be sexual to provide I exist. I exist can be fulfilled in other ways that doesn’t require touch.

Most of us like a hug. A hug acknowledges our existence and says to us that we matter.


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